pat the bat rides in style

if at the beginning of the season you would have had me guess the player that would be leading the world series parade on his own budweiser horse drawn carraige behind 8 clydesdales i would have told you to immediately fuck off because there is only one player on the planet who could be worthy of such a sentiment… and that player of course is none other than our main man and our muse patrick brian burrell the third (huge shout out to meech.one from the fightins for these awesome photos, damn i wish i lived in philly!)

this cart was supposed to be full of bud lights, but pat drank all of them last night

 i can’t imagine pat being more happy in his life, riding along the streets of philadelphia with his dog sitting right behind him and having his best friend and soulmate lying there with him as well (in case it wasn’t obvious i’m going with michelle as the former and elvis as the latter in that explanation btw).  if this is pat the bats last ride in philly (and it’s looking more and more like it may be…single tear) at least he went out the way we all wanted him to… if only the wind hadn’t drifted that ball so far to the right on monday, i think my world have have exploded more than it already has.  going to sign off here with another picture of the bat in his signature celebration pose

this looks familiar

heres hoping we get to see the bat with this pose again in a phillies uniform

-gp

cole hamels does the top 10 list

i wonder what was actually going through cole’s head… i’m thinking something like “doesn’t GM make corvettes too???”

-gp

world fucking champions

gettin loose on the goose and gone on patron

and i thought my head hurt this morning…

“i got that on video”

this keeps on getting removed from youtube, so here is the link for the search to find it.

http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=phillies+bottle&search_type=&aq=f

-gp

world series champions!!!

this photo is the definition of getting your rape on

it’s all over.  feels good doesn’t it.  you know what doesn’t feel good… a 5 bottles of champagne/3 hours of sleep hangover.  REAL TALK!!!

-gp

ps.  i just spent $200 at the phillies mlb.com shop.  if any sexy fans out there want to buy us some sweet world champions gear that you cant get anywhere other than philly please email us and we would be more than happy to reimburse you

lovin this

tonights the night we’re gonna make it happen

from the "love the bats new world series edition mock neck, but still miss his old russell sweatshirt" fanclub

this seems like a popular prediction right now, but i am going to jump on board and say that the bat is definitely going to make something happen in one of his two (possibly one if he gets pulled again) at bats this evening.  the other popular topic is that this could be pats last game as a phillie or (if the unmentionable happens) his last in philadelphia as a philly.  personally i am not ready to talk about that subject, things start to get pretty emotional around here.  i can say that i have held off on buying a burrell jersey for the past year just in case…

 

here’s the reason’s we are going to win tonight:

 

- our bullpen is the best in the league and has outperformed theirs all series long

- david price is not actually a baseball god despite what the media says

- we have the top of our order coming up and have 4 turns at bat left, they have their #6 coming up and only have 3 turns at bat

- the rays had to stay in delaware… half their team died of boredom

hey... i'm in delaware

 - lidge is rested, madson is rested, kendrick is ready to go… j/k

- pat the bat is due

- and most importantly… i have a conference early in the morning tomorrow. clearly a sign from god that he wants me to show up to it still half drunk

finally some inspirational words from the legendary pointer sisters/jesse spano, i think they are pretty fitting for tonights game:

Tonight’s the night we’re gonna make it happen
Tonight we’ll put all other things aside
Give in this time and show me some affection
We’re goin’ for those pleasures in the night

I want to love you, feel you
Wrap myself around you
I want to squeeze you, please you
I just can’t get enough
And if you move real slow I’ll let it go

I’m so excited, and I just can’t hide it
I’m about to lose control and I think I like it
I’m so excited, and I just can’t hide it
And I know, I know, I know, I know
I know I want you

We shouldn’t even think about tomorrow
Sweet memories will last a long, long time
We’ll have a good time, baby, don’t you worry
And if we’re still playin’ ’round boy that’s just fine

Let’s get excited, (woh) we just can’t hide it (no-no-no-o)
I’m about to lose control and I think I like it
I’m so excited, and I just can’t hide it (no-no)
I know, I know, I know, I know
I know I want you, I want you

Oh boy, I want to love you, feel you
Wrap myself around you
I want to squeeze you, please you
I just can’t get enough
And if you move real slow I’ll let it go

I’m so excited, (ooh-wee) I just can’t hide it (oh)
I’m about to lose control and I think I like it (oh yeah)
I’m so excited, and I just can’t hide it (no-no-no-no-no)
I know, I know, I know, I know
I know I want you, I want you
Let’s get excited [fade]

you don't need to be scared girl... we ain't going back to cowbell hell

-gp

 

and on the fifth day cole hamels delivered a world series

9 out of 10 philadelphians pray to cole hamels over god

from the time when the rays qualified for the world series all people could talk about was the huge advantage that tampa had over philadelphia in the starting pitching department.  i didn’t buy it for a second, first of all hamels is by far and away the best pitcher in the series and i don’t think anyone would argue that.  myers and shields was pretty much a wash for me and that is pretty much how that matchup played out.  the rays seemed to have the advantage in the garza-moyer matchup, but everyone was totally writing jamie off because of a couple rough playoff outings even though the guy won 16 games this year and eats up teams like florida and tampa because of their young impatient hitters.  finally last nights matchup, the couple of times i had seen that sonnanstine character pitch i wasn’t very impressed and even though kentucky joes numbers were far from outstanding during the season, he still hadn’t been charged with a loss since joining the phils and was the opening day starter for the a’s this season.  needless to say i was less than surprised to watch the phils outpitch the rays all series

tonight is the night where cole hamels cements his status.  we have all heard the hamel’isms from this guy about how he wants to win cy youngs, throw no-no’s and win rings… so you know he is going to absolutely bring it tonight.

fearless forecast: hamels 7 2/3, 8 ks, 1er, 4 hits.  phils win 5-1

-gp

ps. when hamels locks this game up i am going to very disappointed if dave montgomery doesn’t come down to the clubhouse with a bag full of money and tells hamels to reach in and grab whatver he wants.  we need to sign this guy long term yesterday!

brownbaggin’ with the bat: world series edition

jamie moyer pleases phillies fans/women across the globe

mrs. moyer loves it

 -gp

the little things

tbs took the "h" from ruiz's nickname and added it to his statline

all the little things went wrong for the phils in the game last night starting from the very first inning.  werth being unable to cleanly pick up that single cost the phillies one run and maybe two depending on if iwamura would have tried to run on werths arm.  from that point it was a series of soft hits (all singles btw) from tbay, bad situational hitting from the phils, a series of errors, and embarrassing umpiring that ended up with a 4-2 phils loss.  here at the sexy crimes we always try to keep everything in positive town, so we aren’t going to harp on the negatives from the game, but rather celebrate the positives that have come out of the 1-1 series split in tampa. 

 

1. myers > shields:looking at the stat lines tells a different story, but “big game” james couldn’t even make it through the 6th inning and was hit hard and often thoughout.  he did get himself out of jams several times, but whether that was due to his pitching or the phils lack of situational hitting is left to opinion.  myers on the other hand only had about 2 or 3 hard hit balls off him the whole game, and was hard luck to give up 4 runs.  bottom line, i would take this matchup again.  

2. c”h”ooch: who expected this, 2 for 2 with 2 walks and 2 doubles ripped down the line.  toss a stolen base and another solid performance behind the plate and this was a hell of game for our much maligned catcher.  

3. not completely werth-less: lets face it, last nights game isn’t exactly going to go into kim schofield werth’s dvd collection as one of her sons all time great games, but it wasn’t all that bad.  sure the error in the field and on the basepaths were huge, and the 2 strikeouts didn’t come at the best moments, but he did he have a nice throw to get baldelli at the plate in the 2nd inning and his non-hits in the 1st and 9thinning were both absolutely rocked at longoria, and not even the sure handed 3rd basemen could handle either of them.  look for a big game out of the stone cold pimp back at home.  

4. ry-how found some timing: 2 hits and 2 well hit balls that happened to go into the shift, if he keeps up this up he’s be sure to deposit a ball or two into the cbp stands this weekend.   

5. the bat: he’s still as handsome and hilarious as ever

6. the phenom?: i wasn’t exactly blown away with this guys performance. sure, he got some keys outs, but he looked shaky, threw a lot of balls, and got hit hard several times (including by the brutlette). so let’s just say i am not exactly terrified of seeing old “he of 7 games experience, yet everyone talks about him like he is the second coming of christ” later on in the series

7. bossman junior: first of all, that is the most embarassing nickname in the history of the world. i also really enjoy the fact that his dad isn’t just known as “the bossman”, but actually “the original bossman”. on a baseball note however i enjoyed watching bj hit into another double play and manage to get thrown out by roughly 5 feet (even though he’s super fast) and looking like he plays the game with the general malaise of someone who would rather be shooting a dice game with his homies

ray traylor would like to have a word with bj’s dad regarding who exactly is the orignal bossman

 
8. the umpire: as poorly as the game went we were 2 very poor calls away from possibly being in a 3-3 ball game.  you can’t really blame the umpire though, i mean look at the guy… you expect his eyes to work properly when he has to look at that mug every day in the mirror?

not even his mother can love this… he should think about procreating with tj simers daughter

the fact of the matter is that we got out of the trop with a split and we have yet to hit our stride… chances are that is not going to continue, we will break out of this slump at the plate.  the phillies didn’t deserve to win last night at all, but they were still only a couple of bounces away from taking it and had the tying runs on howards bat in the 9th inning.  the rays didn’t so much win that game as they managed to not lose it, and philly has set the pace in both of the games this series… ON THE ROAD!  This beerleaguer article sums up pretty much exactly how i feel after 2 games.

 

-gp

phillies drinking game: world series edition

how dare johnny gomes try and make patron his signature drink... it's spoken for pal!

1. an announcer calls the rays a “team of destiny”- 1 drink

2. someone brings up the phillies rubber duckies- 1 drink

3. phillies make a 2 out hit- 1 drink

4. ruiz turns the lineup over- 2 drinks

5. j-rol and utley roll up a double play- 3 drinks

6. fox’s pitch tracker shows the previous pitch as a ball- 1 drink

7. fox’s pitch tracker actually shows the previous pitch as a strike- finish drink

8. hamels strikes someone out- 1 drink (2 if they go down looking)

9. ruiz blocks a lidge slider in the dirt- 1 drink

10. any showing or bringing up of a “rayhawk”- 1 drink

11. any mention of how young the rays are- 1 drink (2 if it involves a graphic)

12. milt thompson interviews- 1 drink for everytime you think he could bench press 235 lbs (minimum 8 drinks)

12. any shots of werths mom in the stands- 1 drink and lower your pants

13. any ball hits a catwalk- 3 drinks, finish bottle if it doesn’t come down

14. any ken rosenthal sitings- 1 drink of mead or whatever it is hobbits drink

15.  screw it, i’m too excited to write/think… the phils are in the world series.  just get your drink all game/day long!!!

-gp

real talk: world series edition

 what are you staring at?

 what are you staring at…  and why are you in my clubhouse??? shirtless???

 why are you in your clubhouse shirtless?

 that’s just how i get down… plus, i just got out of the shower with leslie gudel

 fair enough, lets go win a world series

 done. LETS GO WIN OURSELVES A WORLD SERIES!

 HELL YA… lets do it

 perman, where did you come from

 i was watching pat take down gudel in the shower obv

 did he go live (aka sans latex)

 nooooooo…. of course not

   hahahahahahah…. REAL TALK!

-gp