win a date with tad iguchi

31 08 2007


prystline covered pretty much everything about our extended lunchtime viewing of the series sweep, but i have put together a small montage of photos from yesterday’s game along with comments:


here’s a pic of david wright pretending to try and catch a pop fly in the infield. 

“sorry el duque, i can’t see so well with these lame shades on… i totally didn’t mean to grab your junk and rub my gennies on your ass”

at least it was on the field this time instead of in the shower


the bat launches his first home run of the day, he honestly has one of the best follow throughs in the history of baseball.  here is another shot of it


it actually looks like he may have missed this one, something the pre-sexy crimes pat burrell was known to do on occasion.  the new pat the bat is like the sex cannon of the mlb, fuck it he’s going deep!!!  speaking of which, the website has been shut down.  maybe it’s because pat is playing so well, or maybe it is because of several threatening emails originating from vancouver… who knows?

the reason this fan is so happy isn’t that burrell just gave the phils a 4-0 lead, but that he actually got a ball from pat burrell.  seriously, does anyone know why he refuses to throw balls into the stands after the 3rd out of an inning??? even red sox players do it at yankee stadium, why does the bat not do it even at CBP


ruiz, clearly a reader of the sexy crimes and annoyed at his team’s refusal to plunk d. wright, decides to take matters into his own hands and drill wright in the groin with a hard tag.  the sexy criminals appreciate your effort carlos, but unfortunately little david doesn’t have anything down there so he got away unscathed 


unreal catch by bacon pants off jeff conine…


but not nearly as impressive as burrell’s celebration after the catch, p-line and i must have spent a good 10 minutes laughing about this


“i thought all 3rd basemen liked it when you put your head in their crotch???” -reyes

“no dude, that’s just YOUR 3rd baseman… ps thanks for bringing your a game this series jose” -nunez

who can blame nunez for missing the ball after such a disturbing convo with reyes, notice his free hand protecting his junk from reyes’ wandering mouth


a confused marlon anderson attempts a take out slide on moises alou


alphon-suck-a… this was painful to watch.  i would much rather see romero even against a righty.


STONE COLD PIMP!!! his two steals had g sports bar on granville street rocking… and by that i mean prystie, myself and some weird old guy who i think was pretending to be a phillies fan


walk off single for chutley… look at his face, the thought never even crossed his mind that he wasn’t going to end the game right when he walked up to the batters box.  kind of wanted to see burrell emasculate wagner one more time for good measure though, guess there is always sept 14-16


look at this guy… such a professional, having already congratulated tad at the plate he only has eyes for chutley up the first base line.  the consummate teammate, he knows that a series sweep equals patron on the team charter to florida. 


these boys are ready for september AND october


me and the bat say fuck you mets, fuck you mets fans at cbp, fuck you wright, fuck you wagner and most of all fuck you mets fan at the roxy who always wears the pedro t-shirt jersey and beaks off to me about the phillies.  i am going to go there all 3 nights this weekend(which is so different than my normal weekend plans) in full phillies garb with high hopes of seeing you and rubbing the series sweep in your face.


ps.  i am a little worried that the deep hatred i have for mets fans is going to hurt my love of king of queens, but i think what doug heffernan and i have is strong enough to get through it




7 responses

1 09 2007
1 09 2007

You’ve taken up use of the “Bacon Pants” meme, you used my favorite photo of Pat Burrell ever, and you like The King of Queens.


2 09 2007

clare, you have no idea… we were screaming bacon pants at a.r. when we we were in san diego, about 3 rows up from where they were warming up. pretty sure he heard, pretty sure our other friends and fans around the area were creeped out, but we did not care

2 09 2007
Young Hustle

tough weekend gentlemen, i hope you guys are starting to come back down to earth as your phillies plummet down the standings. perih if you think that is the first time you have ever celebrated by attacking my rib cage and solar plexes you are gravely mistaken. i’m not mad. it is however somewhat annoying and as your grow and mature as a person you should perhaps think about working through your desire to punch your friends when you are in celebration mode.

ps: i went to bed dreaming about wright and reyes all of the last 3 evenings. i love that handsome, interracial, heterosexual pair of all-stars more than anything.

5 02 2008
Stephen Schneider

This site makes me laugh so hard I cry. You two should be on TV. Why is this site called ‘the sexy crimes’ and why do you call mr. rowand ‘bacon pants’? Seriously, I love this site…

7 02 2008

We jacked Bacon Pants from Clare. we don’t know why we call him that, but it’s a hot name.

Too bad he’s dead to us now.

22 09 2008

fuck the phillies

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