i wonder what would happen if cole hamels and craig kilborn hung out…

18 09 2007

THROW ME THE ROCK KILBY!!!

the answer is that they would probably drink vodka gimlets around kilby’s pool in the hollywood hills surrounded by models until they got bored and went to the playboy mansion or les deux to hang out with brody jenner.  my point is that p-lines comment about “this not being therapy” in his earlier post reminded me of how much we used to love kilby when he was the host of the late late show.  we even went to a taping of his show and got to sit front row(where prystline was on camera every 30 seconds), yelled at gibby a lot,  i politely asked craig to pass me a basketball, and generally had the time of our lives(however, i may never forgive bob costas for talking so long on the phone with kilby during a comedy bit and forcing them to skip “in the news”).  anyways, i miss him and craig ferguson sucks… on to more pressing topics

1. since we have our first e-mail question here at the sexy crimes, that means we can have our first mailbag:

From: clare

Subject: i don’t get it

How the hell did you two become Phillies phans?  You live 3500 miles away from the 215. 

well, the simple answer is that we have no real reason except that we were watching them play last year and decided that they were our team.  this is somewhat complicated though since people tend to associate length of time liking a team to how much they mean to you(the way i prefer to think about it is that when i am 100 i will have been a phillies fan for more than 3/4 of my life, like those first 25 would even matter.  and for that matter i would argue you can really only be a fan of a team from age 5 on, so i am only really missing out on 20 insignificant years).  either way, in our case this is not even close to the truth as i would put us in the top .0001% of all philly fans even though we are such newbies.  due to this i have made up several other versions to explain to other people why i have been a phillies fan all my life, that have been used to varying levels of success.

a) i actually grew up in philly as a kid– the first and only time i tried this i ended talking to a guy from the states who started grilling me about my income situation and warning me to be careful about how i declare my taxes since i was born in the states but living in canada.  i was very confused and could only imagine what would happen if i tried this with someone actually from philly so i scrapped this option.

b) my grandpa was a diehard phillies fan and the only memory i have of him before he passed away was him giving me his phillies hat- due to the intricacy of this story and the fact that it is not even close to true i often find myself having to hold back laughter while saying it, which strikes people as more than a little odd.

c) my dad grew up in philly and brought me up my whole life as a phillies fan– this is the big winner.  i even got my dad to admit this weekend that he possibly could have lived in philly for awhile, or at the very least is the biological father of pat burrell(see next point).  the beauty of this story is that the more i tell it the more i start to believe it is true.

d) i am pat burrells brother– i haven’t actually tried this one yet, but i think i am definitely going to try it next time i am in vegas.

2. prystie left out my favorite search term from his list

– “pat burrell fucked me hard”

3. if you are looking for a gift to buy for your favorite sexy criminal, may i suggest the following:

greatest gift ever

http://www.footballfanatics.com/MLB_Philadelphia_Phillies_Collectibles/Philadelphia_Phillies_Customized_Locker_Room_Framed_Print

my name is spelled “PERIH” and i would like to have number 9 on my jersey(apologies to michael bourn, if i actually made the phillies i would be sure to give him a rolex for his number)

4. i totally forgot to give a shout-out to my man t-gon(gordon) for throwing that pitch at d. wrights ribs.  tom must be an avid reader of the sexy crimes

-gperih

ps.  hamels is 1/9 of the way to a perfect game as i am posting this

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4 responses

19 09 2007
lynniemac

“either way, in our case this is not even close to the truth as i would put us in the top .0001% of all philly fans even though we are such newbies”

Yes, but you have a blog. Start spouting abject negativism (especially after wins), and you’ll be just as Philly as most natives.

19 09 2007
prystline

I still want to fight Costas for costing us “In the News”….

UNFORGIVABLE

19 09 2007
Clare

It makes me so happy to imagine that Hollywood Hamels and I are drink compatible (Stoli gimlets are my favorite drink evar).

Brody Jenner is a ‘tard, though.

10 09 2009
sandrar

Hi! I was surfing and found your blog post… nice! I love your blog. 🙂 Cheers! Sandra. R.

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