interview with the bat

24 09 2007

we thought it would take us  at least a few months until we had our first celebrity interview on the sexy crimes, but amazingly i was able to secure a sit down with pat burrell only one month after starting up our blog.  here are some of this highlights:

 thanks so much for making time to sit down with us pat, we really appreciate having the chance to interview you.

 well i owe you guys so much for putting up a blog in my honor, i was really starting to get down because of all the attention the rest of the guys were getting on the internet.  i was even considering starting my own “pat burrel facts” webpage, but my manager convinced that it may not be best the idea.

 why not? sounds like a good idea to me.

 well, instead of making the facts stuff up i was going to use actual true facts about myself.  how many chicks i had banged in the clubhouse, the amount of chocolate martinis i can drink in one sitting, how much money i spend per month on my hair, how many arm curls i can do… you know, the important stuff

  interesting, probably good that you passed on that idea… lets move on, so why did you decide to finger dice-k after you hit a home run off him in pre-season?

 oh, that’s easy… i hate japs

 what about tad iguchi?


 number 12 for the phillies, filled in for chase utley at second base when he was out with a broken hand

 oops, i thought that guy was a latino… don’t print this ok?

 no problem man.  so, who would you say is the funniest phillie in the locker room?

 oh it’s definitely rod barajas, he cracks everyone up.  he is always talking about how much fun next season is going to be, and how he can’t wait to play a pivotal role in the playoffs and stuff

 haha, ya i am sure the phillies are going to pick up that $5 million club option on him next year.  so on to some non-baseball questions, who is your favorite singer?

 i would have to say probably jo-jo

 and your favorite actress?

 well i was a really big fan of that girl from heroes until about august 21, but now i would say that i am more into the emma watson from the harry potter series.

 so, as an avid follower of the harry potter series, who would you say is your favorite character other than hermione?

 dumbledore is obviously the greatest wizard of all time

 agreed, we have prystline here with a question for you as well.

 does cole hamels ever talk about me?

 well he was mentioning something about getting a restraining order against a guy he met in san diego that was from vancouver and offeried to blow him(but not too hard)?  was that you?

 nooooo, definitely not me…. one more question, are the rumors of you peeing the bed true? 

 of course they are, it is sort of like my calling card.  it’s nothing compared to what chase likes to do with girls though(search for taco bell after clicking the link).

 moving on… pat you are famous for having “interesting” photos of yourself on the internet.  there is the un-orthodox shirtless, oiled up phillies promo pic that is the headliner of this site, the pin-up shot with you lying on top of a pink caddy, this pic of you dancing avec cocktail.  but the most interesting set of pics to me are the ones of you proposing to your wife, what were those all about?

 honestly i have no idea, i was still blacked out from the night before.  this girl got me all dressed up and made me pose like this, and now when i come home every night she is always there.  it is all pretty confusing to me.

 so, which player on the phillies wife would you most like to take a run at?

 too late, i have already taken a run at all of them.  you’ll have to wait until next season when we get a new crop of spouses around here.

 we have a couple of final questions for you, firstly can we stay with you when we come to philly?

 of course, i have an apartment downtown that my “wife” doesn’t even know about.

 ok, lastly we figured that this girl was a former conquest of the bat, are we right or what?

 what do you think?

 as we suspected… thanks a lot for your time pat.  see you at the world series





4 responses

24 09 2007


24 09 2007

I loved this so much I showed it to my mother. and then she loved it too.
(that sounds horribly dorky but it’s what happened.

24 09 2007

I just spit water all over my keyboard reading this. Thanks. Thanks a LOT.

No, really–thank you. I needed the laugh.

13 07 2013
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