pat burrell triple on video

22 10 2007

found it, it is as amazing as i could have hoped for.  you don’t really see him chugging along the base paths that much but he definitely makes up for it with an aggressive slide and fist pump.

also, it looks like he was pimping it out of the batters box a little bit… he probably could have made it standing up pretty easily if he hadn’t watched it hit the fence



phils ’08 schedule

22 10 2007

a “tentative” schedule for the phillies ’08 schedule has been posted on the teams website

here is a “tentative” list of trips i plan to take to watch the phillies this year:

1) jays suck/opening day bender (march 28-31)- fly out to philly for the on-deck series against the pitiful toronto blue jays with my buddy kilby(die hard jays fan/bj ryan enthusiast) and stay for the opening day game against the nationalsshortly before erik offered to show him why his friends call him BJ kilburn

2) snakes and a kayak (may 5-11)- catch the phils in arizona (fireman carries all over scottsdale) for a 4-game set and then  over to san fran for a weekend series against the giants at pac bell.  this trip would also most likely be concluded with me heading to vegas for the canadian may long weekend (may 19), so the chances of me making it home alive after this bender are quite slimthe place where vodka enemas seem like a plausible idea

3) happy birthday anakin (june 16-29)- the phils have interleague games this season against the american league west, they play 3 out of the 4 teams in the division and only 1 of them at home.  however, since god hates me becuase of that whole cole hamels thing, one of the away series’ is NOT in seattle against the mariners, and the only series remotely close to vancouver is against oakland, whose stadium resembles a prison (not too mention its patrons).

4) east coast roadie option #1 (july 21-31)- we are definitely hitting up the east coast for a baseball tour this summer, this option has the phils in new york from the 22nd to the 24th, hosting the braves from the 25th to the 27th and in washington from 28th-30th.  we’re also hoping to be able to hit games at fenway park, yankee stadium, and camden  yards while we are in the area.exactly like the robin williams movie except without the back hair

5) west coast roadie redux (august 11-17)- basically the same roadie as this summer, with 4 games in la at dodger stadium, and 3 games at petco park.  hopefully this trip has a little more cole hamels hangouts and a little less threatening stares from terrifying dodger fans

6) east coast roadie option #2 (september 1-10)- this trip has a series in washington from the 1st to the 3rd, then in new york from the 5th to the 7th, and then a home series against the marlins from the 8th-11th. 

7) world series (october 21-30, 2008)- i’ll be there


ps.  if anyone knows of a job in philly for me (i am not too proud to strip) so i could just move there and not have to travel there once a month to watch games and/or wants to loan me a few thousand dollars so i can make these trips regularly please feel free to let me know

end of year the year awards- part 2

19 10 2007

since prystline is still pouting about the phils being done for the season, not that i can blame him, i guess it is up to me to continue with bestowing awards upon our favorite phillies.


thank god he wasn't wearing the sally jesse rapheal specials in this at bat

j-rol did it all this year, called out the mets, set all kinds of records, and if anything is just in this world he will bring home the hardware for the mvp of the national league.  he also pulled a kanye west and brought a fashion trend back to the forefront by sporting sally jesse rapheals glasses during the season

_1868396_sally150.jpg jrol.jpg kanye.jpg



the bat is choked anytime he missed out on a chance to throw on his number ones

after missing out on this pre-season photo shoot of the philles “young guns” pat the bat was obviously inspired to come out and put up some amazing numbers to ensure he wasn’t on the outside looking in again next year.  when you consider that he was replaced in nearly every game and therefore missed out on a lot of at bats his numbers are even more impressive.  If you extrapolate his numbers from the year over the same amount of at bats that bacon pants had this season (they played in virtually the same amount of games, and hit next to each other in the order) his numbers would have looked like this: 39 HR, 126 RBI, 34 doubles, and i would like to think that he would have legged out a triple just for us.  apparently he got one last year, and if anyone can find me video of that i would beyond grateful.  anyways, those are mvp type numbers… yaya, so what if matt holiday had about the same numbers and also managed to hit for average, need i remind you that he has a lame shaved head that makes him look like and aids victim and is probably actually loyal to his wife… the bat on the other hand has a gorgeous mop of hair and is not actually aware that he is involved in a legally binding relationship, point burrell!!!



freddie would fit in nicely behind cole hamels in the rotation... wait, does that sound gay???

none other than ryan dunne from the chatham a’s.  the kid has a bit of an attitude problem and some control issues, but he has an arm that just won’t quit



loves it

no contest on this one, his hands were up all season…whether he was celebrating homeruns, getting out of the way of groundballs, saluting the crowd, celebrating other teammates plays he couldn’t have made in a million years, or just following through on his loooong swing.  one thing is for sure, if you could see pat the bat’s armpits then all was good in phillyville

* note who else is a follower of the arms up revolution

prystlines brother attempting to be a part of the unpopular socks with sandals revolution


end of the year awards- part 1

17 10 2007

so, after a very difficult week and a half of sulking/contemplating sui we have finally decided to get back on the horse and do our end of the year awards.  these awards are going to be very similar to the end of the year little league awards in the way that everyone on the team (who we like and/or can think of something funny for) will receive at least one award, and some players (pat burrell) will receive many.



possibly even a better match than fisher/chiklis

one of the only reasons i can come up with as to why adam eatonwas so terrible this season (without forcing myself to come to the realization that we threw 24 million down the drain) is that kevin dillon needed to do some research for an upcoming movie role(perhaps summer catch 2, more on this later).  so he and adam switched places for the year and eaton lived up it up for a year in the hollywood hills, while johnny drama did his best to keep the phillies out of the playoffs, after all he is from queens.



this award, dedicated to former edmonton oiler defensemen chris pronger’s discretions which forced him to demand a trade from the city,  goes to the phillie who is most likely to impregnate a female beat reporter for the team.  based on this photo, the recipients of this award have to be michael (jason) bourn(e) and chris “sans sunglasses” roberson

bo vice could very well be involved as well


we will be updating these daily until we have gone through the entire team



16 10 2007

Ballgirls sought.  The Phillies are accepting resumes for women interested in becoming ballgirls at Citizen’s Bank Park next season.  Ballgirls are also asked to represent the organization at other events. (Including but not limited to; Post-Game/Mid-Game Hottubs, Sans-Pants Bullpen Parties and Sexboat  Functions

Qualifications include having athletic ability, knowledge of baseball, strong interpersonal skills with an outgoing personality and flexible…um… schedule. Applicants must be 18 or older. 

All Applicants under the age of 18 will be interviewed personally by Pat Burrell.

More information is available at or by e-mailing No phone calls will be accepted (Except by Shane Victorino)

 –How do they get away with this stuff?


positive town

5 10 2007

we may not be exactly where we want to be (eg. i may be a little shook), but winning three games in a row is not exactly an impossibility, AND if anyone is due to lose 3 games in a row it is a team that has won 18 of their last 20 or whatever.  i have complete faith that the series will be coming back to philadelphia for game 5.  one of my gambling degenerate friends (i include myself in this group) offered me 6-1 odds if the phillies win the series.  i obviously took the bet and it is going to be just that much sweeter when they win because i will be collecting his $600 as well (he had already owed me a hundo, so this really cost me nothing…spoken like a true degenerate gambler)

gambling problems are so 2008

by the way, this made me sick to my stomach the other day.  I was reading bill simmons article about the levelsof losing on, and came across this peach:

Level IV: The Guillotine
Definition: This one combines the devastation of The Broken Axle Game with sweeping bitterness and hostility. … Your team’s hanging tough (hell, they might even be winning), but you can feel the inevitable breakdown coming, and you keep waiting for the guillotine to drop, and you just know it’s coming — you know it — and when it finally comes, you’re angry that it happened and you’re angry at yourself for contributing to the debilitating karma. … These are the games when people end up whipping their remote controls against a wall or breaking their hands while pounding a coffee table. … Too many of these and you’ll end up in prison.

Best Example: Game 7 of the ’97 World Series (Indians-Marlins), when Cleveland’s Jose Mesa gave up the game-tying run in the ninth inning. Every Indians fan knew it was coming. Of course, the ’97 World Series never happened, so it’s probably a moot point. We need to get that one wiped out of the record books.

here i am reading this on wednesday and thinking “jose mesa was ruining playoff chances TEN YEARS AGO… we are so screwed if he has to pitch”  and who do they put in the game yesterday to really put the nail in our coffin??? i was furious


live blogging

4 10 2007

i am going to live blog the first part of the game until i leave at 1 for an extended lunch to watch the end of the game

12:13 i get a text from prystie that says “holy fuck” after back to back home runs for tulowitzki and holliday, i ain’t shook… for real, i have some insane confidence in these guys

12:20- j rol leads off the game with a jack, looks like we may finally have the slugfest everyone was waiting for in this series

12:24- permans keys to winning the ‘loffs, don’t have your best hitter lead of a series with 5 straight strikeouts without ever actually having his bat touch the ball

12:26- the bat is a playoff performer, he should always bat in the 3-hole, always works the count deep, gets on base so howard can k behind him!!!

12:30- my phillies helmet just arrived in the mail, cost 3 dollars to ship, dud on ebay charged me 9… fuck him, at least i have something sexy to wear at lunch

12:38- werth k’s A LOT, i still love him though… i totally don’t wish we had soriano in the outfield instead of him.  can you imagine that lineup??? wow, nothing would have changed either, we just would have not picked up garcia or barajas which probably would have helped us

12:44- i like ruiz a lot, by this time next year he will be a staple on this team

12:45- OMG, this helmet just became a little more sexy as i realized that it comes with stick on numbers.  again my apologies to jason bourne for stealing #9 from him, but i would have had enough jam to steal that base yesterday bro

12:46- i professed my feelings for ruiz before he hit that double by the way

12:48- i half expect them to walk rollins to load up the bases for utley at this point

12:51- triple for j-rol, scores 2… prystie called me since he is watching the game and ruined it for me since i gamecast didn’t have it going yet

12:52- utley hits a ball, good news… warning track though, was it close?

12:54- live-blogging is super fun, i have to leave for lunch now though… prystline is going to take over for me

1:00 HEY-YO Sexyfans.  Prystline here to take over Perih.  He’s off for lunch.. Since I decided to take another personal development day to watch the game I am free to continue the live blog from my couch.  I’ve already eaten lunch so that’s good, but unfortunately I am also cooking Mousakka so I might be a little back and forth (wouldn’t want that eggplant to burn)…

1:05 Perih has so much Phillies stuff..SIT THE FUCK DOWN TULO… sorry about that. Anyway..He has soooo much stuff.  I have a Jersey and mesh hat which I took from someone.  I also have a shirt and a headband but Perih bought them for me.. I really need to get my act together and get some more gear.

1:07  forgot to mention this earlier, but I really want to hug J-Rol.  He is the best.  I might get a big chain with JR in diamonds and wear it everytime I go out….and a red skull cap too….oh yah and those red glasses that he stole from Sally Jesse Raphael (Thanks to Erik Kilborn for pointing that out to us).

1:14 – I have been afraid of that all series… Left-lefty match-ups where the pitcher comes 3-quarters… It looks like Howard is ok, and it’s not like he was going to get a hit…. Maybe I should root for that to happen more often…..

Howard – picked off….. Him and Utley are going to wake up and realize that they missed the entire series is they don’t pick it up a bit…. and then we are all going to have read all the spring training articles about redemption and how they are deteremined to get back to the ‘loffs and perform better…. I hate those articles.

Colorado is warming up a righty…Thank God.

1:27 – To Clarify the “Holy Fuck” Text Message.  It wasn’t so much a text of despair as it was one of annoyance.  Those homeruns annoyed me… I was mad.. not worried….. but I guess either way I definitely was shook.

1:35 – Pretty Shook now…. Hot Grand Slam.  Wrong team… I don’t want to get negative, but so far the Rockies are doing what it takes to win ballgames, the Phillies (Besides J-Roll) are not. Straight up.

Kendrick gave up to many lead-off baserunners which eventually was going to get him… I totally did not expect Lohse to give that up…

 Lots of time left.

2:15 – Jose Mesa….. That’s all I have to say about that…….8-3.  How is he 8th on the all-time list for games played.  How has he stuck around this long?? Deplorable.

We need some big time offense…. NOW

2:21 – This is disgusting.  Live Blog is done… 9-3…. I’ll log back on if something good happens…..