is aubrey huff available for the phillies???

13 11 2007


based on this interview, with some guy named bubba on sirius radio, i certainly hope so.  sounds like he and the bat would be a perfect fit for roomies.  Here are the highlights:

huff calls b’more a “piece of shit town”

that hardly seems fair, it looks pretty decent from what i have seen on the wire

Huff: “Vodka and red bull. Vodka and cranberry. No, no. Make it vodka and red bull! Make it happen! Half and half!”
Bubba: “Looks like I’m driving Aubrey home!
Huff: “I’ll get the wife to pick me up. The wife will pick me up!”

drinking on the air is a great move, especially when you start bringing upyour sex life… i am in full support of the proportions he uses to pour a drink, but he should consider using both the redbull and the cranberry… throw in a little club soda for some extra bubbles and you got yourself a real cocktail

Producer: “…Who in here knows exactly how many women they’ve slept with?
Bubba: “Aubrey!”
Aubrey: “I couldn’t even begin to tell ya. I couldn’t even give ya a ballpark. I know I’m over…”
Bubba: “Five hundred?”
Aubrey: “No, no! I’d say between 2 and 300.”

ummm… your wife just called, she may not be picking you up anymore.  looks like bubba is back on the hook for driving you home.

Bubba: “Now Aubrey, do you jack off a lot on the road, like when you’re not with your wife.”
Huff: “It’s all I do. It’s all I do. You guys have no idea how much downtime there is in baseball. You wake up from a hangover about 1 o’clock.”
Producer shouts: “In the afternoon?”
Huff: “Oh, yeah! Lemme tell you this. When you are hung over, how horny are you? I’m horny, when I’m hungover, I’m horny. So I’m just gonna beat off. And that’s all I do.”

i could not be more on  the same page as him about the correlation between being hungover and hornyness but if i were a professional athlete i am pretty sure i would never touch my own genitals again, i would probably even get someone to hold it when i had to urinate.  so when he says that all he does is “beat off” i assume that means he has a high class escort TCOB on him or at the very least one of the more feminine looking rookies 

 Producer: “Do you guys do any studying or is there any of that going on? Or is the catcher the only one that’s really gotta study anything?
Huff: “The guys that are studying — it’s bullshit. See ball, hit ball. You know what I mean? You’ve done it your whole life. You see the ball, you hit it. All this studying? Honestly, you’re gonna look at a piece of, a TV? And say this guy, this guy is going to throw me this way? No, he might throw you a different way! Who cares? Just see it and hit it!

note, here are aubrey’s splits over his career… pretty noticeable dropoff in the last couple of years (congrats on your 15 dingers this year) that may or may not be attributed to “3 hours of beating off” before games

Huff:“No, I’ve got my own room. C’mon, I’m not gonna beat off in front of my own roommate. C’mon Bubba!”

Bubba: “What time is the team bus to get to the field, like 5?”

Huff: “Four o’clock.”

Bubba: “So for three hours you’re just jerking the fuck outta yourself.”

Huff:  “You know what they have now in the hotels is the (paas??) for $34.99, you get the whole section.”

Bubba: “Who does that get billed to, you or the Orioles?

Huff:  “No, that’s my own gig. When you check out and she (the hotel clerk) says, $34.99 and she looks at you as you’re checking out: ‘Ahh, you beat the shit outta it, didn’t ya?’ ‘Yeah, pretty much!  Yeah, I jacked the fucking shit outta it!’ ”

a) if he had a roomate i am pretty sure he would still beat off in front of him, i just get that vibe from him

b) he must have a shitty agent, porn at the hotel should obviously be included in his deal

c) i certainly hope he speaks like that to the women that work at the hotels they are staying at… his mom must be so proud of him





One response

16 11 2007

I loved that movie when I was a kid. TVINS!

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