6 03 2008

Cole Hamels needs to stop being such a whiny little bitch.  I understood the whole chiropractor thing….I got it…I totally got it…If I don’t get a hand job (mostly my own) every morning I get a little cranky too… but this whole contract thing is ridiculous.  We all know this and every Phillies blog in the world has dropped their 2 cents on it.  That is just how baseball works.  You get what you get when you are new and you cash in once you have established yourself a little bit.  We all know that the only reason that Santana’s change-up is better than Coles’ is because Johan has been around longer and we all know that when Cole has his stuff not even our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ can get a hit off of him… but really, to be honest the only one who actually knows (read: thinks) Hamels is as good as he says he is is Cole himself.  I love the man… I tried to blow the hell out of him, but sir? SIR? relax a little bit…. 500 gr is a pretty nice payday…. I’m pretty sure Heidi didn’t win survivor so you still have a pretty good shot at being the first to 1 million in your family…

 If he really wants to complain about something….. I propose this;

I can no longer access the sexycrimes from my work PC… the watchdog for the Canadian Federal Government has decided that our site contains “questionable content”… Really?  REALLY? (I blame permans pic of LiLo’s boobs on my new restriction….but I digress)…. How about this Cole… since I no longer get to blog at work (read: get paid to write nonsense on the internet) why don’t you trade me your 2008 salary and your life of hanging out at the ballpark, brownbagging with the boys and getting your back cracked for free for my 8am-4pm (well, I actually show up at 9am) job, sitting in a weird office that smells like bananas, has terrible overhead lighting and is slowly eating away at my will to live…Since my blogging time is no longer pensionable, I suggest we trade places for one day and then have a meeting in my stupid “breakout” room and compare notes…. don’t worry, we can teleconference your agent in for the chat because one of my jobs tomorrow is installing a new fucking telephone line in that very room…can’t wait

I hate you Cole…

I don’t usually get this mad… I might erase this post tomorrow… sorry sexyfans.





5 responses

6 03 2008
Stephen Schneider

I feel your pain. Cole is a whiny bitch. I will have to work all kinds of extra hours at my depressing IT job in order to pay for my opening day ticket… professional athletes should spend a week among the working class before they complain.

6 03 2008

Far be it for me to compliment a Met on anything, but John Maine had an arguably better record than Cole in 2007 and his contract was renewed for $50K less than Cole’s. And he handled the situation with a whole lot more grace and dignity.

Colbert, I love you so very much, but please do shut the fuck up? Thanks, darling. See you Opening Night.

6 03 2008

I like the way Mitch Williams put it:

“All he has to worry about is pitching. Keep pitching long enough and he’ll make more money than his grandkids can ever spend.”

Go get your free adjustment then shut up and pitch, Cole. I don’t even want to think about how many hours’ worth of pay is going toward my Opening Day tickets.

9 03 2008

isn’t meyers pitching opening day? how is anyone going to see Cole while he is crying in the clubhouse…furthermore, I firmly believe that, after an intense screening process by the Bat, the new Phillie’s c-practor will be a 23 year old asian woman who has no qualms about offering happy endings as a conclusion to an otherwise intense “massage”

9 03 2008

quit your job babe… everyone’s doing it!

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