why i hate the bruntlett(e)

11 04 2008

bruntlett(e) = e

we at the sexy criminals came to the conclusion that we were in need of a player on the phillies that we could hate… the we should be gm’s guys have/had no-hit nunez and last year we had bajaras, but we needed someone new.  enter eric bruntlett or as i will only refer to him from now on “the bruntlett(e)”.  he made it pretty easy for us, and i am sure that a lot of blogs are going to be hating on him after his shameful performance in the last two games.   but on top of only hating only for his putrid performances in the field and at the plate, we are also going to make things a lot more personal…. cause that’s just how we roll

i have decided that the bruntlett(e) reminds me a lot of another eric that i absolutely despise, e from entourage.  i will go into their similarities in a bit, but for now lets continue down this entourage path and see which characters the rest of the phillies would be.

can\'t go wrong with a white blazer

Vinnie Chase = Chase Utley: good looks, make a tonne of cake, nail lots of broads, unofficially the king pin group.  it was close between chase and cole for this one, but since vinny is super laid back and never complained about chiropractors or not getting enough money early in his career i had to give the nod to le garcon chase (also since they share a name it ended up being a no brainer).  also, strangely enough, chase’s work in the espn fantasy promos was actually better than adrian grenier’s acting performances on a week to week basis.

calf implants are the new boobjobs

Johnny Drama = Adam Eaton: already gone over this one before…

1) they are doppelgangers for one another

2) they are making a living off their past fame (melrose residuals & viking quest convention/former first round pick)

3) a possible resurgence in both of their carreers (five towns/ 2 quality starts to begin season)

4) they both want/need calf implants

things would get awesome pretty fast on a night out with these two

Ari Gold = Pat Burrell: the only 2 things these guys have in common that i can think of is that they  both love cheating on their wives, and they both are total assholes… which of course means they are both my favorites. 

both make me physically ill

now onto the main event, Eric Murphy = The Bruntlett(e): the similarities are seemingly endless…

1) both named eric

2) both have an emotional attachment to the letter “E” (nickname/ committing several per game)

3) i could see the bruntlett(e) being one of those super faggy boyfriend types like e is.  probably doesn’t even cheat on his wife on the road which is inexcusable in my books for a pro baseball player.

4) both are huge nerds (the bruntlett(e) majored in economics at stanford…oooh we are sooo impressed)

5) both think they are capable of handling jobs that are way over their head with disastrous results for all those involved (producing medelin/ playing ss for the phils)

6) small genitalia…fact

7) neither can perform simple tasks assigned to them (not screwing up best friends career/ being able to put a bunt down in play to advance runner to 2nd and 3rd with no one out and chase utley hitting behind you)

anyways, bruntlett(e) we are going to ride you like a 2 dollar whore until you pack your bags and leave town… for your benefit you should hope that is prior to may 17. 

-gp

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One response

13 04 2008
GM-Carson

we need to exchange links!

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