pat “the bait” burrell?

15 10 2008
9 out of 10 veterans agree that burrell is the best bait when trolling for patron shots and young skanks

9 out of 10 veterans agree that burrell is the best bait when trolling for patron shots and young skanks

listening to the lineups for game one of the series prystline and i were both confused when harry kalas referred to pat as something other than the bat.  at first we thought he called him “the babe”, which made perfect sense to us due to his hitting prowess and the fact that all of our friends call each other babe (we’re wierd like that).  we then figured out that he actually called him “the bait” and said that the explanation was intended for a later date.  here’s the link from the inquirer on why that is:

During his appearance on Fox, Kalas introduced Pat Burrell as “The Bait,” then said that was a story for another day. That day has come. Here’s that tale: During Burrell’s first few years with the club, before he was married, the older players used to command him to make appearances at the bar while the Phillies were on the road. They dangled him as “bait” to attract women.

“Can you imagine how many hearts Burrell has broken?” Kalas said.

here’s my top 10 list of women’s things burrell is more likely to have broken:

1. their hymens (shout out to chamomiles davis from the fightin’s for that one)

2. the buttons on their blouses/ zippers of their pants

3. their noses (when he is partying with brett)

4. the lock on the backdoor of their parents house

5. the condom

6. their husband’s spirits/ will to live

7. the lock on their liquor cabinet

8. the springs on their bed

9. their cardinal rule of not sleeping with pro athletes

10. into their purses to steal 20 bucks for his cab home while they are sleeping

oh ya… and i am sure the older players really had to twist burrell’s arm to come out to the bar with them.

i still haven’t exactly figured out what to do with this comment from matt stairs after his big home run on monday night:

“When you get that nice celebration coming into the dugout and you’re getting your ass hammered by guys — there’s no better feeling than to have that done.”

i would just like to say that it is not a canadian thing.  we don’t all enjoy an ass hammering as much as our pudgy compatriot.

fearless forecast for tonight:

hamels goes 7 2/3, 2 ER, 8ks.  phils win 5-2, ry how goes deep.





4 responses

15 10 2008
How do you spell retard?

So, who’s ‘the bait’ now? Sarge Matthews?

15 10 2008
The Mugwumpking

i’m a long time reader, first time responder.
i first found your website when googling “pat burrell hates your face” to see what came up. i was looking for a picture of pat burrell giving the finger to terry francona after hitting a homerun off dice k*, and i found this.
it’s pretty much the best site in the world.

*i later tagged some tool in this photo in a facebook album along with a webcomic that totally summed up his un-burrell like lifestyle.

yea i do drugs

16 10 2008

So does our friend Fisher, but when he does them, he attacks his friends from behind and makes weird baby noises.

22 10 2008

pat burrell has sex as much s regular humans breath.

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