why i hate baseball on fox

21 10 2008

here is a comprehensive list of the reasons why i hate watching baseball on fox, although at least it means i don’t have to see what sort of crazy antics frank caliendo is up to on this weeks frank tv episode (frank tv: the show we hated before it had ever aired a single episode). 

1. fox pitch tracker: how horribly innacurate is this thing?  a ball that catches the corner of the plate comes out looking like it was a foot and a half outside.  pretty sure the best way to tell if a ball was on the plate or not is to have an over head camera that actually catches it as it crosses the plate… how come that technology was scrapped in favour of this crap.  at least joe buck said something about it last week, i’m pretty sure mccarver would jump off a bridge if pitch tracker told him to.

2. jeanne zelasko in hd: yikes, even leon phelps’ most disgusting bus station skanks thinks she lays on the makeup a little thick.  i do feel sorry for these people that have to be on tv in such high definition and even worse for celebs that have these photos of them posted on the internet where they look like they are taken with a microscope.  have you ever looked at yourself at that distance, not a lot of good can come of it.

3. the fox robots: haven’t these things been around since fox started doing the nfl in 1994? how are they still ingenuitive at this point? i think it’s about time these guys found there way onto the jawa sandcrawler with the rest of the bi-sexual robots (i’m looking at you C-3P0)* 

about as useful as betamax videos

about as useful as betamax videos

4. the commercials: did you know that 24 is coming back to the air this season???

5. kevin kennedy: he looks like he stole jeff kents rapist moustache

6. tim mccarver: having to listen to his unrelenting bias towards the dodgers last series almost caused to me to black out and pass the person in front of me while on my homerun trot… wait that was you tim, you self-righteous douche bag

going the way of billy packer...

going the way of billy packer...

 7. joe buck: i can’t think of an exact reason why i hate this guy but i certainly know that i do, and i know i am not alone.

8. shots of fox stars in the crowd: this was pretty much opitimized during bostons title run with jimmy fallon and drew barrymore, but its an annoying trend that has continued on.  i can’t wait to hear “look its brandon routh ‘star’ of the upcoming fox ‘hit show’ lie to me”.  i think i am actually going to jump out my window if local vancouver douche joshua jackson from that piece of shit show fringe is shown sitting in unreal seats at cbp…seriously i can and will not be held responsible for my actions.

9. when the numbers go up in flames if a pitch is over 95mph: we get it… it was a fast pitch.  unless it’s mad-dog, then flame away.  speaking of mad-dog and flaming, check out this photo of him

10. ken rosenthal: his height(or lack thereof) creeps me out.  when j-rol looks like he is towering over you in interviews you know it’s probably time for you to be heading back to shire with the rest of your hairy footed kind.*

this photo is not even doctored
this photo is not even doctored

-gp

*these two comments pretty much destroy any possible inclination that anyone may have as to whether i am even the slightest bit cool.

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3 responses

21 10 2008
lynniemac

Shouldn’t the Fox robot’s number be 24?

22 10 2008
prystline

Hi Perman,

Sportsnet has a different feed. Instead of Joe Buck and Tim McCarver we have Rick Sutcliffe, who is sweet, and someone named Odie or Obie or something. They are good. At first I thought it was TBS but Caliendo hasn’t polluted the screen once yet and it’s the fifth inning.

Probably could have called you and told you this but whatever.

23 10 2008
Texas Gal

GENIUS. Particularly the jawas reference.

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